It will come as a shock to us all that Dame Judi, the chain-smoking, booze-guzzling, tourette-suffering doyenne of the Cockles & Mussels scene has, this very day, actually made it to the ripe old age of 61.
'Fuck me!' I hear you cry, 'I never knew she had it in her.' Well she's made it and she will inevitably be expecting presents or other such birthday tributes, so dig deep and let's see if we can raise more than the £3.27 we managed last year (not exactly Comic Relief).
If you happen to see her in the next few days or weeks, please try not to make a fuss. She generally likes to keep a low profile to this type of thing. Why not try simply calling out (she's getting a little deaf), 'Oi! Jowel face! Many Happy Returns!' or 'Bugger me, you're old!' Trust me, nothing would make the old girl happier.
Happy Birthday, your excellency.
September 05, 2006
Happy birthday Steph, All our love Deb, Stacie, Holly and Lauren xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
My dearest and older Auntie. Ofcourse you are to be commended on reaching this age. Must be all the fags and booze. Hope you have a good one. x
Fuck me! I never knew she had it in her!!
xx