She's getting married!
For those who haven't already heard, I'm getting married on 07.07.07. The lucky blokey is James, and needless to say, I'm very happy and looking forward to our future together.
Absolutely everybody is welcome to our day, but be warned, only 15 people can get into the registry office and I've put the older family members at the front of the queue, to give them a head start in the fight! Bless 'em!
We're getting married at 10.30am and there will be a party from 7 onwards. Inbetween times, mum and dad have invited everybody to their new house. There will also be several open houses for you all to sleep in over the weekend, so please feel free to come on friday if you want to.
I'm not up the duff yet, but we are (regularly) trying to make babies, which is always nice! Hopefully, we will be expecting soon. So expect a big bird for a bride!
I'd really love to see you all in July and hope you can make it. Love to you all. x
Dear Sam Braithwaite fans,
I bring you New Year greetings and the latest Sam Braithwaite news
January Events:
Wednesday 24 January: Playing with the full band at The Fleece, Bristol. Headlining slot. On Stage 9.30pmTicket Price £4 (£1 off with e-flyer!)
Friday 26th January: Solo Slot at The Louisiana, Bristol. Supporting "Fortune Drive". On stage 8pmTickets SOLD OUT (ask me for guestlist possibillities?)
Saturday 27th January: Solo slot at The Louisiana, Bristol. Supporting "Fortune Drive" Onstage 8pmTickets SOLD OUT (ask me for guestlist possibilities?)
For the gig at The Fleece please mention my name when you come in as it will be used to indicate who people came to see i.e Me!. For Guestlist applications for The Louisiana gigs email me at sambraithwaite77@hotmail.com.
Hope to see you all there on the 24th,
Love Sam
The album "Two Fingers" is now available for you to play, review, or download via http://www.itunes.co.uk. Remember that signed copied are still available from http://www.sambraithwaite.com or www.myspace.com/sambraithwaite.
Hoooorah!!! The mighty album "Two Fingers" by Sam Braithwaite (whoever he is!??) has just gone live on itunes music store!!!
It also means i can eligible for record sales and downloads in charts etc! I realise you all probably have a copy of the album and that you're probably sitting there muttering "when will he shut up up about his fucking music!??" under your breath but the reason i bring this to the attention of my articulate and well versed Families is that you write online reviews that link to the page on itunes so anyone passing by can read and go ""Ooh that sounds interesting!" and buy some tracks and so on!
Whilst i realise putting really crappy reviews would be hill-hairy-ass please don't as people would take this as gospel and not know you are taking the piss!!
It also means you can download it as a ringtone to annoy your friends or just me??
Also don't put your surnames on reviews as i will look like a tool.
You can visit the page by putting my name into the search box at the top right of the music store page and feel free to tell a friend which is a button available once on the actual page (you'll see when you get there!)
For all of you in England or able to pick up BBC radio from wherever you are, I'm on the radio this Tuesday night at 10pm on BBC Radio Bristol on 95.5FM, 94.9FM / 1548AM and DAB Digital Radio.
I'll be playing a couple of songs live and having a chat with Keith Warmington on the "Access All Areas" show so please tune in if you can?
If you have digital TV you can record it right off the telly?? If it's past any old or young people's bed times!!
Blogger are trying to move everybody over to their new, 'easier-to-use' system, called Blogger Beta. You may have already received prompts when you log in to set up your new accounts.
Don't panic, it's pretty easy to do. With the new system, you are asked to set up a google account using your preferred email address and your usual password. Make a note of these, as these are what you will use going forward to log on to cockles and mussels. I haven't quite figured it all out yet, but you may also need to update your new profile, if you feel like it.
Once you've logged on, you'll probably not notice too much of a change. It just makes things a little easier to move around and change things.
If anyone has any difficulties getting onto the blog, let me know and we'll sort things out.
BB (aka the Webmaster)
Having just spent a lovely weekend with Dame Judi and Uncle not so Fatty I thought I would write a soppy post for all you Cockney-Slitty-eyed-Jowel mongers!
I just wanted to say I am so glad I have you guys as family, as the other side of my family are a complete and utter waste of space. A bunch of posh idiots who don't seem to appreciate the true meaning of family! It's a long story and very dull so I won't bore all you lovely people with it! But their tendency to sweep things under the carpet is really bringing out the Grace blood in me and I just want to sit them all in a room and tell each and every one of them what everyone else is saying behind their ignorant, blind backs! Rrrrrr! Any ideas as to how to bring out all the unspoken tensions between them all?! Because otherwise, I swear I will tell them where to shove their retarded posh wankerness! So far I have been told to keep my mouth shut and let it lie, but that's what they're all doing and I don't agree with it! I have never been one to keep schtoum! Answers on a postcard please!
'Polish Pussy Press'Gud'day mates, just a quick note to say good luck and have a smashingly wonderful time in Poland to my big brother, Chrissy. Im sure mumsy has equiped you with more hats, gloves and coats than you could wrap a small Norwegian family in.
Love and love, Tommy x
Following in the footsteps of my workshy brother i have quit my job to work full time on my new musical venture...and by that i mean the record i've just made not the plans to put "Tourette's: The fucking! tittybiscuits? musical" on in the west end! (which i will one day!)So in the meantime i would be gratefull for any info or contacts you might have that will prove useful in getting management, promoting the record, radio airplay, press coverage, and record company interest!I know that most of you dont have these contacts exactly falling out yer arses but if you put your collective minds to it i'm sure you could all help me think up some more leads than i have right now! so put your thinkin' caps on and get me thier details?Also for those of you that haven't got hold of the record yet i am very close to getting the website paypal thing together so you can order it on http://www.sambraithwaite.com/ and i shall personally send it to you with a signed photo of myself, greased up in cowboy boots with various fruits to cover my dignity! If you dont but the album i shall send you two pictures every week to your work address!!It will also be available on itunes as of beggining of December so keep checking and download it from there if you so chose! Thanks for all your support of late but keep it coming because..in the words of the late Mary Carpenter of The Carpenters...."weve only just begun!.....................no thanks!...i dont want any biscuits.....no really....i'm not even hungry!"keep visiting the myspace site (www.myspace.com/sambraithwaite/) for latest info and to look at my increasinly impressive list of friends......Thanks family people, keep on rockin'..............Love sammy xx
Hello Toms family... just a quick note to say Tom is fine, well, at least he was breathing last time I checked him in his hungover state. He loves all the people in his halls, especially his new best friend "Big D"- the two of them are inseperable- staying up into the late hours discussing stephen fry and philosophy (a course which incidently he really loves)
On a serious note to Mrs Tom's Mum... I have taught him how to wash. And I ironed his clothes. So he looks ok. And he's eating. He looks both left and right before crossing the road and is always sure to wrap up warm on the more brisk days. Your SausagePot is fine...
Also, apart from the shampoo and bees story, what is the third embarrassing story about your youngest? We are all very excited about completing the trilogy of silly stories about baby Tom.
Lots of Love
Tom and Abby (I'd be worried, your son has befriended a scouser)
Hello all you crazy family bastards!
Thank you all for a lovely weekend. much belly laughs and merryment all round. the percussion was second to none, the chicken took years to be done, everyone got bossed by my Mum, fantastic free food in my tum, we all got thoroughly plummed and thankfully no-one got bummed!
I write songs i does! I also take pickatures wiv my magic time freezing box and have set up a slideshow of moments trapped in time for your viewing delactation.
Pay attension cos here comes the science bit.....all you have to do is click here (yes! on the actual word here!) and i shall whisk you away with the use of the black magic to a site called "Shutterfly" where you must put in this email address barneybb.cockles@blogger.com and then the password "cockles" to get to the file named.....Graceland. Click on that and set up the slide show using the side promts!
It sounds technical i know but if i can do it..it must be spackerproof.
Enjoy our many chins and generally sigh at the mockery that the ravages of time has made of us all!
Love you all, Sam x
p.s. next time we must keep Noah off the babysham!!??!!
Thankyou Uncle Chris for a wicked weekend. You did us all proud xxxxxxx
Will you still need me? Will you still feed me? When I'm... 61?
3 comments Posted by The Dude at 8:15 am
It will come as a shock to us all that Dame Judi, the chain-smoking, booze-guzzling, tourette-suffering doyenne of the Cockles & Mussels scene has, this very day, actually made it to the ripe old age of 61.
'Fuck me!' I hear you cry, 'I never knew she had it in her.' Well she's made it and she will inevitably be expecting presents or other such birthday tributes, so dig deep and let's see if we can raise more than the £3.27 we managed last year (not exactly Comic Relief).
If you happen to see her in the next few days or weeks, please try not to make a fuss. She generally likes to keep a low profile to this type of thing. Why not try simply calling out (she's getting a little deaf), 'Oi! Jowel face! Many Happy Returns!' or 'Bugger me, you're old!' Trust me, nothing would make the old girl happier.
Happy Birthday, your excellency.
Alun says I have to ask Fat Chris to measure the width of his garden to see if we can pitch our tent there next weekend. How many insulting variants and innuendos can we all make from this?
I know that you thought I had just become a big old hippy, living on protest sites, taking illegal substances and shagging lots of long hairs........And I was. But this is mostly why I wanted to save the 'fucking' tree's.
I am very much looking forward to seeing all you cock sucking raving loonies again in September. However, I will be bringing along a new boyfriend, whom I would very much like to impress. I suppose there's no chance of that with you fuck wits around!
Heyho.
Sadly Thomarse has disgraced us all by getting only 3 Bs so now he has to go to Leeds univ and "do" Philosophy. He's ruined Christmas.....again! What a stuck up ponce!
Once in a while a song is composed, one that seems to be plucked from the very souls of the Muses, surpasing even that music of the spheres given earthly form by The Singing Postman (sorry, Chris).
There may be the interneti-literatati amongst you who have already been blessed with the knowledge, but I feel unable to hold back from sharing my epiphany with you all anyway.
A note of caution - this IS suitable for children, but not for those with a fear or loathing of llamas.
Follow the yellow brick road... click here
I was doing some market research in various publications and came across the new campaign for Charmin toilet paper! So much better than the bloody Bears Shitting in the Woods campaign! The new Bacardi one looks cool too with two people dressed as salmon running the New York Marathon in the opposite direction! Funny!
To see the ad just put your mouse on the arse! Not literally Welshies!
I think you should all be ashamed of yourselves. I know we're a pretty depraved bunch, but surely we have to draw the line somewhere. Intelligent adults like you making petty jokes about child molestation and incest. Quite honestly, neither myself nor Steph find it in the least bit funny. Think of all the poor kids out there being molested, beaten and sexually abused by their so-called 'loved ones' and you lot have the nerve to take the piss.
Could you therefore please kindly keep any silliness to Uncle Fatty's 'penchant' for bestiality in the Broads and Nick's bizarre fixation on dogging.
