Well, we waited a long time for it, but the old goat from East Angular is finally amongst us. And what was his first, eagerly-awaited contribution to the site...?
"Why not stick some mustard up his arse and watch him turn into a greyhound?"
Let's have a vote. Shall we kick him off the site? Those in favour, say 'arse!'.
This is Charlie. He is a fierce and monstrous beast who will take yer leg off quick as look at yer! But he has no nuts.
Stop War -
NATIONAL "TIME TO GO" DEMONSTRATION
SATURDAY 23 SEPTEMBER MANCHESTER
ASSEMBLE 1PM PICCADILLY GARDENS
My perfect day would start with seeing this man lying next to me! Bongiourno fella!I would like to know what you're perfect day would entail? Who would be in it? What would you do? Where would you go? It can be anything you want it to be! It's your day! And who knows, maybe one day it might just come true!
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L is for Liverpool,
L is for Luck,
West Ham's blowing bubbles...
Finish the poem,
Without being rude...
(it doesn't rhyme)
I should be so lucky,
Lucky, lucky, lucky...
(K Minogue 1987)
Hello, hello (yes, we do love to milk the police jokes don't we?).
Well I have nothing productive as yet to add to this wholesome enterprise, apart from some inappropriately long words apparently, except to address the slanderous comments made about my character - comments such as 'OC is his fave show', that's crap, alright? Sure, I've watched it a few times, but I didn't inhale. And this whole ecclesiastic/law and order/boy in blue/man of the cloth bollocks is well out of line. So stop it at once, or you're all going to hell, you bunch of cockney thieving yobs.
Love you all, (except Uncle Fats, he knows why - dirty, dirty man) Tom x
This unfortunate old and pre-alzheimer sufferer has recently been abandoned in a deserted public toilet by his uncaring daughters. If anybody has seen this man in the outfit pictured here, (possibly with tampons in his ears too) wandering around the streets of Peterborough, please contact the police. Do not approach this man as he is argumentative, and has a strong tendency to attempt at humour! A concerned grand-daughter has offered a generous reward if anybody finds her aging and relatively wealthy grandfather.
Pictured here Christmas 2005 in his usual attire.
Here's Little Chrissie at the door of his windmill in Old Hamsterjam. His flat is quite nice, which makes it all the harder to work out why he looks like he's slept in a shop doorway!
Answers on a postcard to 2fatladies@jowleresearch.co.uk
Take a closer look at the picture to the left and check out the 6' x 6' panel of the new face of Imperial Tobacco. Yes, the world's 4th largest tobacco manufacturer have indeed chosen Mrs. Stephanie Braithwaite of Southsea to grace their latest exhibition stand, currently doing a nationwide tour of the country's most prestigious trade shows.
Trouble is, she doesn't actually know this yet. So, mum's the word, eh? Whatever you do, don't tell her...
Good evening all,
I am writing on your blogsite page on behalf of your son/nephew/cousin Sam who wrote me a letter explaining his utter astoundment at the lack of general computer tomfoolery that was expected of you, his somewhat learned but geographically challenged family.
What's the matter with you? I'm in a fucking wheel chair and even i can use the computer better than you workshy bunch of mockney's!...I've even been in The Simpsons!!...
Please get your assumedly working asses in gear or i shall be forced to visit you in those piss corners of this septered ilse you call homes and explain in detail all about my new space time continuim theories from my new book "Time is Shit, Get used to it!"
Lots of love and wayward electric wheelchair movements,
Steven Hawkins.
p.s. Feel free to read this letter in a put on computer spacker voice! I don't mind...everybody does!......really i don't care.....i promise you i get more fanny thrown at me than i know what to do with......no really? A massive brain seems to get them wetter than an Otter's pocket!!??
Hello! Looks like I'm one of you lot too! Wouldn't think it would you, what with the ever so slightly increasing jowel length, slitty chinese eyes which disappear when I smile, fat arse, genetic smoking habit, smutty humour and incessant wheeze when doing anything even remotely strenuous!
Whilst I'm here: can anyone explain the pie and mash thing to me? I desperately tried to like it! I really did! And it's not like I haven't tried a vast array of different things! I love snails for fuck's sake! What is it about pie and mash which could be any worse than things that crawl along the floor in their own juice? (And no Big Debs, I'm not talking about you!)
Answers on a postcard to: sleazyslut@lardarse.com.
(By the way, with regards to the picture, I can't explain this, but ask Alun and Debs! They seem to think Patsy reminds them of me! Can't for the life of me think why!)
Apparently i'm related to you all? Don't believe a word of it!! Knees up?....your mother's brown?...what on earth are you all on about!
That's right ....The Samster is truly as they say "In da house!" ....Laaaaaaavleeeey!!
It only seems like yesterday that this little fella came into the world, but today sees Emile hit the ripe old age of 3.
This is how he intends to spend this special day, greeting those fortunate enough to share his birthday with him from the comfort of his throne.
Joyeux anniversaire, Milou.
Although I wasn't actually able to make it (I was entertaining the French in-laws who KNOW how to eat!), the annual Grace family gathering at Walthamstow's Manze's Pie & Mash Emporium was a great success.
And once they'd got the important part of the day out of the way, they even took time out of their gastronomic adventure to go and march around London. Becky was in fact heard to utter, 'I don't know what we're marching for. I'm only here for the food.' Now there's commitment for you.
To see a photographic record of the day, click on the link above (or the delicious photo) and you'll be taken through to shutterfly.com - a photo sharing site. Enter the email address - barneybb.cockles@blogger.com - and the password - cockles - then select the photo album to view a slideshow. Enjoy.
